Sunday morning I am walking through the 'Shoppes of Paradise Key' in Destin, Florida with my Auburn running friends. We are meandering in and out of stores: Coach Factory, Williams-Sonoma, Kenneth Cole NY, and my personal favorite, the Godiva Chocolatier. As our group strolls past the Abercrombie & Fitch storefront I glance at the reflection in the tall display windows and notice an elderly woman is walking amidst our group. She's wearing a velvet lounge suit, turquoise turtle neck, black Chaco sandals, white cotton socks, a tight little bun and has a slight limp. I take a couple more steps before it dawns on me--THAT WAS MY REFLECTION IN THE WINDOW. What happened here?
- Abercrombie & Fitch minus 4h It's 7am and my friends and I are huddled together trying to conserve heat at the starting line of the Seaside Florida Half-Marathon. I flew all the way from wintry northern Utah to participate in this beach-side event, happily expecting to return home with a little tan and three months worth of vitamin D. Instead I was blasted with temperatures in the 30s accompanied by winds up to 35 miles per hour. Before the race I was scrounging around the rental house for gloves, ear muffs, and something, anything, to shield my face from the bitter cold. (Where's Global Warming when you need it?) Despite the biting cold and hurricane warnings, my friends and I decided to run the race. And so, the first two hours of my morning were spent freezing my buns off while running a distance I had not adequately trained for. (My trip to Florida was really about the vitamin D.)
- Abercrombie & Fitch minus 2h It's 9am and I just finished the half-marathon. I am so cold and tired that I decide to abandon my running team for a much needed warm shower. I shuffle the half mile back to our rental house and clumsily strip off my many layers of running clothes. My fingers are still frozen stiff so this is not easy. My legs are exhausted, my lips are blue, and I can't stop my teeth from chattering. I turn on the shower and as soon as I see steam rising from behind the glass, I hop in. The rest is something of a blur because I'm not good with blood but somehow the glass door slips out of the track and the door falls into the tub. With frozen and slippery-wet h
ands I somehow manage to catch the shower door, but only in time to watch the other sliding door follow suit and crash sideways into the tub. The top corner slices an inch deep into the drywall and the bottom corner slams down onto the top of my foot. I promptly rid my hands of door number one and gently dislodge the other door from the wall and my foot. I look over at the huge gouge in the wall and then down at the gaping slice in the top of my foot and realize I'm in serious trouble. We are not going to get our security deposit back! Then, as the blood begins to leak out of my foot, I remember that I am not good with blood. I begin to feel lightheaded and I can tell I'm going to pass out; pass out in a tub already full of glass doors and blood. I woozily scramble over the side of the tub and try to get my wits about me. ...I won't go into any more detail because all it does is humiliate me more, but in a nutshell, I was exhausted, cold, wet, bleeding profusely and very much not dressed.
- Abercrombie & Fitch minus 1h Luckily for me, two of my running friends are nurses and when they entered the rental house they answered my pitiful cry; "I've fallen and I can't get up." (Sticking with the old lady motif here.) I was adequately bandaged and I feebly hobbled into my room so I could get some warm clothes on. Because I was in Florida! my suitcase was full of brightly colored shorts, capris, T-shirts and sandals. I had been warned that the beach cooled down considerably at night so at last minute I had thrown in a turtle neck and lounge suit. I knew the outfit didn't suit me but I figured I'd only be wearing it at night, when it was dark. I was still bone-cold from the race so I put on the turtle neck and lounge suit along with some thick white cotton socks. Because I still felt quite weak I did not feel inclined to balance on one foot in front of a mirror in order to blow out and curl my hair. So, I twisted it up into an easy bun.
- Abercrombie & Fitch minus 30 mins Despite my bloody, swollen, throbbi
ng foot, I did not want to miss out on a social outing with my friends (I am who I am) so a few minutes later when everyone decided it would be fun to go peruse the shops in Destin, I grabbed my Chacos, loosened the straps as far as I could and limped out to the car. It never occurred to me to glance in a mirror and evaluate my overall appearance. In hind sight...
- Abercrombie and Fitch Once I realized that the old lady in the reflection was me, I started to laugh. I casually joked to my running companions that I looked like an old lady. No one contradicted me. They simply smiled and said, "You've had a rough morning." Needless to say, that took the chuckle right out of me.
I brought home my Chacos. The remainder of that outfit was left in a dumpster behind our Seaside rental property. It really was a rough morning.
12 comments:
So glad you are back and still in one piece. That was very funny, even funnier probably since it is almost 2 a.m. right now (things are always EXTRA funny late at night. Or when you are not supposed to be laughing, like at church or something). Your experience sounds horrible though! I've got some pretty sweet "black beauties" (remember my velcro shoes I was sporting not so long ago?) that you could borrow that would be quite comfortable over the gash in your foot! I hope your foot and your pride both heal quickly!
That is so NOT what was supposed to happen! I'm very, very, sorry. You get a huge "BHH" (Bless Her Heart) and a bonus "BHB" (Bless Her Bones! One of my Moms famous phrases. She was a master at sympathy.. bless HER heart.) It reminded me of an image I found of myself, in the car window, as I shuffeled out of a Emergency-Care about a week after having Sophie. I came down with my first, and craziest ever all-over batch of hives.. and there I was.. swollen, on top of had-a-baby fat.. puffy faced.. in some work out pants clearly too tight, and too short.
I was exhausted from not sleeping, so obviously had not put alot of time into my own bun, and looked like some depressed mother of 12 who'd had an allergic reatcion to peanuts or something. I actually felt embarrassed that my husband was watching me waddle, pathetically, to the car he'd pulled around. Humility. Gotta love it. The biggest tradgedy is that you did not get freshly sun-touched.. so I reccommend 'The Rage' tomorrow. Tanning is $2.50 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Take THAT Flor-dee-da!
Oh, that makes me weak in the knees. I am sure your foot is still so tender, I hope you heal quickly. I am sure it is nice to be back with Keith and the kids. -jandee
You crack me up. I loved reading about it... the part that was the funniest had to be when you said you were in trouble because you weren't getting the deposit back. With all that going on that is funny you would think that. Hope you feel better!!
Your story still cracks me up the second time through. I do feel bad that you got hurt and to top it all off NO SUNSHINE. What a bummer!!!!
Glad your back!!!!
Oh Jocilin I'm so sorry, Your story was very funny... But sad that you went all that way and it turned out not so good!! You are a trooper.. I really think you should have put a picture of that lady on here!! And about the security deposit, they should give you something to have to deal with faulty shower doors that is nuts!! You should sue!!! Jk glad you are home safe and sound, minus the hole in your foot!!
Hey, I was wondering where Aunt Verda's velvet lounge suit was. You have had it all along...
D
strong work on the race!
I just absolutely loved this whole post! I loved the countdown to Abercrombie and Fitch! You are hilarious! An old woman, however, would not be racing, no matter the weather, and would not brave shopping with an injured foot. I'd say you have a whole lot of life left in you! :)
I refuse to wear leather shoes and sandals. I recently developed plantar faciitis and need good support. I ended up discovering Chaco sandals. 100% vegan and feel great on my feet. I absolutely love them. This is the last pair I bought Chaco Hipthong Womens - Digital Green
Wonderfully funny post, although I scarcely believe a word. I know that you rock every race that you enter and I can't imagine you looking at all as you describe. I am somewhat surprised to hear that you were at one time in possession of the aforementioned lounge suit, but being from southeastern Idaho, I never judge anyone's fashion sense too harshly. I would put money on the table that you are even running on that foot. Old lady, my eye.
I love the way you write. I can actually feel myself standing next to you and feeling and seeing the same image. Even without the rough start! Where did this motherly, old woman image come from? I know I come 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and sometimes 5th with the kids, but even when I go on an outing, for ME, I tend to revert to the same concept and come out looking like I am 5th. You however always look great. I love the bun, and the turtleneck, We're all about comfort.
I hope your foot is feeling better. I can picture the entire incident, and as I put myself in your shoes, or rather lack of shoes as well as additional clothing, I feel your pain and humiliation. Good thing you have such good friends!
Glad your back and proud of you for finishing the race. You are amazing!
What a story! It is a good thing that shower door fell on your foot AFTER the race and not before or you would really be having a rough morning! How fast could you hobble in those sandals? How fun for you to go to Florida and run with your friends! Shoot, if you can fly to Florida we can definitely make the 1 1/2 hour drive to Providence! Thanks for the laugh!
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